YESSSSS, come June I am out of this shithole (my job in North Philly)! I think the last straw was someone getting shot and killed in front of my other store a few blocks away on Saturday. I’ve seen people get stabbed and shot so many times in front of my store, it doesn’t even phase me anymore. I’m not scared because those are all personal neighborhood beef, I just don’t want to deal with it or hear about it anymore. I don’t give a fuck and I want out of the hood.

I’ve had enough of these fake thugs, they’re all high school dropouts that hustle in the streets while still living at home with their moms, real fucking gangsta. HAHAHA the fuck outta here with that shit, they’re all just a bunch of savages playing with guns. This avenue will never learn and will end up killing each other.

I’m planning out what I’m going to do once I’m out of here. I want to go vacation for a while and maybe even go back to school and travel abroad. I want to learn Japanese and pick up where I left off with French. I want to make jewelry, paint and make art again. I want to design my own sneakers. I want to start up the treehouse and make it flourish.

I’ve been so creative, productive and motivated these past few months. I have my friends and family to thank for that, they’ve been nothing but supportive. Thanks I won’t waste it this time around, I dicked around all throughout college and now I finally appreciate my time and how I spend it considering it’s been so limited the past 3 years since I’ve been working all the time. I finally got the break I wanted after high school and now I’m ready to make things happen.

Hitting on people at work is so inappropriate. I don’t like creeps who come on to me all aggressive and cocky, especially when I’m at work. My customers are the worst, most of them are so consistently annoying, I have to be a huge bitch. Here are stories about the two customers I can’t stand.

This one dude is insane, from the first time he came into my store, he’s claimed to be in love with me. First of all, dude is chunky, short, semi balding, has yellow fever and seems like he’s gay. No fatties/uggos/homos please. He tried every line in the book to try to make me agree to go on a date with me. I told him I wasn’t interested but he wouldn’t stop, he still doesn’t. Dude will not take no for an answer so I just stopped talking to him unless he was tryna buy something. He said he loved asian girls and asked me what he should say to them and I didn’t respond. Dudes with yellow fever are the fucking worst and I’m really repulsed by these types of dudes.

He hasn’t been to the store in a while but he came in today. As soon as he comes in, his face lights up and goes heeeeeey girrrrrrl! I don’t respond, I think I gave a head nod. He tells his friend and my employee that I’m his baby mama, I still ignore him. He asked why I was showing so much leg today (I’m wearing JORTS) and I looked at him like he was retarded. He told me he loves me and wants me to tell him I love him too, he keeps saying come on tell me you love me too! I look at him like FOREAL? He doesn’t stop so I tell him to go eat a dick. He was like wow you never say anything to me and that’s the first thing you’ve said to me. His friend goes she was holding it all in till just now! Then dude goes yo foreals though, you’re so pretty and evil. All the pretty girls are so evil but I like mean girls! I’m in love with you even more now. I ignored him the whole time and went about my business and pretended like he wasn’t there. My employee goes why do you keep messing with Sally? She don’t like you, you’re annoying. Dude said girls love that and that it was a part of his charm. I told him he didn’t have any redeeming qualities about him. How many times you do have to insult someone to get them to back off?

This other dude is old, fat, has really bad skin, balding and he’s always fucked up on something. He creeps on me all the time and when I turn him down he says things like what? I’m not ugly or anything. Hm don’t believe everything your mom tells you crater face. His high ass would fall asleep in my store from time to time and I’d write on his face.

He is one of the most ignorant people I’ve ever met. Once he asked me what a certain Chinese character meant and I said I didn’t know. He asked me if I really didn’t know or didn’t want to answer and I ignored him. He took that as I didn’t want to answer and goes I was gonna say how do you not know? Because obviously being Korean, I understand every asian language, DUH! I was gonna say a racist comment back but decided not to stoop to his ignorant level and just called him a fucking idiot. He tried to lecture me about being nicer to customers and how the customer is always right, blah blah blah. I told him at MY store, the customers are almost always wrong and if he didn’t like it, he can GTFO. He has a big mouth he can’t keep closed so we bump heads a lot. I’m constantly being the biggest dick to this guy in hopes he won’t come back.

Last night we had a BBQ on the roof deck. It was a lot of fun and I got to hang out with people I haven’t seen in a while. The weather was perfect and the food was good. Every time we do something involving food at our apartment, there are always tons of leftovers. We grilled marinaded chicken, burgers, bananas, tofu, pork chops and seasoned chicken. This little kid in the next apartment kept staring at us and dancing in his window. Every dude that was over was wearing a trucker hat which was even weirder then when everyone wears flannels together. We had enough seating for everyone, we have entirely too many seats in our apartment.

Now that I have tons of storage, I need to clean my room but I’m busy for the rest of the week. I’m always fucking too busy. Geo told me to get out of the country for a little bit, I think that’s a good idea. I want to go back to London and visit Zach, go to Amsterdam and Paris and then Japan/Korea. I can go to at least two of those places this year.

Come May, I will have worked as a manager of this store for a whole year. I already told everyone I want to quit, they asked me to wait till they shut the South Philly store down. As long as it’s sometime in May, I can stick it out but not for too long.

This job makes me feel like I’m in a loveless marriage, I gave so much of myself and got little to nothing in return so I stopped trying, I don’t care about it anymore. I feel trapped and am desperately looking for a way out. I find myself getting drunk to relieve stress but it mostly results in violence. I really don’t want to be an angry person anymore, it took me so long just to get to this level and all that work is being destroyed by the stress caused by my job. No one in Philly has seen me get really angry and I don’t want anyone to ever see me that way ever again.

Also, I just realized I spent $1000 on Sunday. That is ridiculous. What recession???

This past week has been crazy/busy.

Last Friday was Steph’s birthday so TBC met up in Old City. There was a 90210 poster in Sugar Mom’s bathroom and I saw a Degrassi reference, AMAZING. Every dude always wants to try on my jacket, Dustin is no exception. He also hit me on the head and Steph took the picture just as I shot him a dirty look. TBC drunk as shit at Moms.

Saturday was Vicki’s birthday. We made her an awesome birthday card but I forgot to take a picture because we rushed over to her house. Cops came and busted her party 15 minutes after we got there so we moved the party around the corner to our place. It was finally nice enough to sit out on the roofdeck.

Sunday we had a McJawn meeting at our place. John and I worked on McJawn’s splash page, check it out. We smoked and worked all day then we had a potluck. Yis made this gross looking drink called the grouch, it was delicious though. We had so much food left over, it was ridiculous.

Monday we went to the Pope and met up with Avalon. The hipster grifter was hooking up with someone in her band. She and her friend Amanda told us a bunch of stories about Kari. They found out she was lying about having cancer way before it was all over the internet. People went to SXSW/Coachella and asked the bands they met if they knew Kari because she name dropped a bunch of bands and said she played with them/knew them and no one knew who the fuck she was so they googled her and saw her SLCPD most wanted poster. She was def hanging out in Philly every weekend for a while before everyone found out.

Tuesday, John came over. He illustrates and I’m the tech geek, we’re an unstoppable team. We’re collabing on a lot of shit, I’m working with Yis for Patty Crash and I’m also designing a few websites. They’re all paying jobs, getting paid to do shit you’re good at is fucking awesome.

Wednesday was Superdope. There was some bitch running around purposely bumping/running into everyone. I elbowed her in the head/boob the couple times she bumped into me, after the fifth time, I put my boot on her back and kicked her forward. When she turned around, she had a look of disbelief on her face. She walked towards me all angrily and I grabbed her by the throat. I had a death grip on her throat, I was squeezing hard and was getting ready to beat her face in. Kevin, Tyler and some random dude swooped in and pulled me off of her and started dragging her away. I instigated and yelled at her to come at me while Kevin was tryna hold me back. Tyler pulled the girl to the side and said something to her. I don’t know what he said but he came up to me and told me she wanted to apologize so I let her and she left.

Normally I don’t feel bad for the other person in these situations and feel justified in my actions but I felt really bad for choking her, she didn’t deserve that. I’ve been dealing with anger management issues since I was in middle school and I’ve been good at suppressing it but with all the bullshit at work lately, someone can look at me the wrong way and I’ll snap on them. All the built up stress from work the past few months makes me super hostile ALL THE TIME. I don’t like being that person so I need to quit my job soon.

I told my dad I want to quit yesterday. He asked what my back up plan was. I have money saved up, I’ve been getting a lot of paid design jobs and a job lined up for summer. I haven’t had a vacation since I went to London on my 21st, I need to start traveling again.

My job is stressing me out to the point I’m about to stab someone any minute. I have a 6 inch knife hidden behind my counter in case someone tries to rob me. I’ve been thinking about buying a switchblade “just in case” because of work, which is completely ridiculous. I work fucking retail, I shouldn’t be dealing with this type of bullshit. I don’t want to deal with cops, dumb employees who steal from my store and drug addicts trying to rob me. I don’t want to commute 40 minutes to work in the hood anymore, I’ve put up with it for 3 years and I’ve finally had enough. I need to get out of this shitty environment because it’s obviously hazardous for my mental health. I need to get away from North Philly, relax and have some ME time.

Thursday we all went to the Barbary, no one got choked out and good times were had by all.

I’ve been living in my apartment since the end of December and I just met most of my neighbors for the first time yesterday. I saw my landlord, who owns a beauty salon right beneath my apartment for the third time ever. I work too damn much. My neighbor Mark, who lives across the street from me is opening up a book/record store. He was using that space as a storage room and he was just giving away a bunch of shit to clear space for the store. He gave me a bunch of nice plates/cups, a crystal bowl, an oversized duffel bag full of zippers, a light up mirror, iced tea maker, 2 huge luggage bags, a bunch of free books and a curtain for my bathroom. Best dude, he kept insisting I had to take certain things because they’re girly and I’m a girl hahahahaha. If you want to check out some of the stuff he has that he’s giving away for FREE come to Dickinson and Mole.

Today is Ali’s birthday, TBC in Old City again! I need to design my TBC tattoo so I can get it soon. I’m gonna be the first girl to get one Summer 2009, love life and everyone in it.