…who is now a “phone sex actress”???

I came home from work today and Grace said she had to show me something really funny. She showed me this video:

She said she recognized her and realized we went to college with her. She had worked with her and said she couldn’t stand this girl. After watching the video, I still couldn’t figure out who she was so Grace took me to her facebook and I recognized her right away. Not only did I go to college with her, I went to the same high school as her too.

This bitch was the type of girl who didn’t have many friends in high school, the emoish-goth, slit your wrist the wrong way, loner type. I barely knew she existed till senior year when I had a class with her. She was all mallgoth and super unattractive, to put it nicely. This chick rocked a long purple velvet skirt and lacy shirts almost everyday.

One day I walked past her computer and she was animating fairies, NO JOKE! I noticed she had a Spirited Away dvd next to her so I decided to be nice and talk to her for the first time ever. I pointed to the dvd and said I really liked the movie. Her and her friend just stared at me like I was fucking retarded. I was offended. REALLY? Who the fuck are you to snub anyone? You look like your dressed yourself in the dark and everyone treats you like the fat smelly kid in elementary school who has food stains on their shirt. I thought no one liked them ‘cos they were mad nerdy and weird. NO, it’s ‘cos they’re dumb TWATS. The type of thundercunt who thinks they’re better than everyone else and is ~unique and original~ when in reality they look & act like every other loser hanging out at Hot Topic. IE: think “goths” from south park, soooooooo non-conformist!

Thanks to the internet and facebook, I have some visuals to share with you:

“miss deepthroat”

her dumb friend.

high school.

college.

post college. I didn’t know people threw/went to toga parties in 2010.

Dear art school kids, don’t feel bad about working as a waitress/waiter or whatever odd job you currently have that has nothing to do with your degree, at least you’re not a phone sex actress. At least you have some dignity, right? I would much rather wait tables to upper middle class yuppies over talking dirty/having phone sex with creepy old dudes any day. I would put her job right under stripping in my degrading jobs list. Your mom must be so proud of you C BFA in animation and you work as a phone sex actress under the name, “MISS DEEPTHROAT”? COM’ON SON!

PS. karma really is a bitch, isn’t it girls? ACT LIKE YOU’RE NOT EMBARRASSED!

I haven’t updated any of the blogs I write on in a minute and since it’s 2010 and I got a brand new laptop, I decided to update more often.

A lot of dumb shit happens to me daily so I decided to start sharing some of those stories on my blog. This is my favorite one from last year.

Last month my roommate, best friend and I decided to go to Tiger Beats at the Barbary after being snowed in all weekend. My roommate and I got pretty wasted… and this was on a Monday night. Some douche was crowd surfing and knocking people over left and right.

Apparently, I get ignorant after having too much to drink. At one point I pointed at a midget standing maybe a foot away from me and yelled, “LOOK it’s a midget!” to my best friend standing right next to me. Yeah, it was that kind of night.

By the end of the night, I was throwing snowballs at people and had a mini snowball fight outside. I was having a good time besides the crowd surfing douche kept pushing me into the snow but I got him back and everything was fine. Finally, it was time to get a cab home.

A cab pulled up right in front so we got in and were on our way back to South Philly. I started hiccuping shortly after entering the cab. Grace was drunk and recapping her night to me and Geo. We stopped at a red light and the cabbie turns around and tells me that he has a problem with me hiccuping right now. I was slightly annoyed, thought maybe he was kidding so I asked him if he was serious, he said yes.

Now if you know me, you know I’m an angry person in general and when I get mad, I get crazy eyes. This is a look that takes over my face before I start yelling at or punch someone. And you definitely know not to fuck with me after 5 jack and cokes.

Back to the cabbie. His answer immediately pisses me the fuck off so I asked him what his job was. Before he answered, I said, “Do you work in the service industry? If I’m not mistaken, your job is to provide me with a service, right? I don’t recall anyone asking your fucking opinion about me hiccuping or anything else so do your fucking job and drive us the fuck home.”

He had nothing to say except that this was how he honestly felt and that my hiccuping annoyed him. He obviously should have just kept his mouth shut but since he didn’t, I decided he was asking for it and I started attacking him.

Again I tell him that no one gave a shit about what he thought and told him to shut the fuck up. I explained to him like I would to a retard that hiccuping is natural, I’m obviously not doing it on purpose to annoy him. Then I asked if he had a problem with people drinking because I simply cannot believe someone really has a problem with people who hiccup. He said no so then I asked what his fucking problem was and that if he did have a problem with drunk people, he shouldn’t be driving cabs.

I told him to pull over, I didn’t want to ride his cab anymore and that I wasn’t going to pay him. He gets very offended now and threatens to take us to the police. I find this hilarious so I tell him go ahead, fucking drive us to the cops. As I’m calling him an asshole, douchebag and almost every insult in the book, drunk Grace became the peace maker and was like no, there’s no reason to do that just pull over and we’ll pay you. I begrudgingly handed him the money and demanded exact change.

Before exiting the cab Grace was still trying to smooth things over because she had to pee and wanted to get home as soon as possible. He said something that offended her and they start yelling at each other. I get back in and start insulting him some more. I heard her telling him to shut the fuck up and he goes no you shut the fuck up and they’re now just exchanging fuck yous. I had enough and the last thing I said to this guy was, “I hope you kill yourself or die in a fucking fire.” Yeah, I was obviously obliterated at this point because I thought this was a great insult at the time. I threw a few snowballs at his cab and Grace didn’t shut his door. He’s yelling at us to shut the door so I threw a snowball inside and kicked the door shut and threw more snowballs and kicked his cab some more as he drove off.

Another cab driving the opposite direction picks us up. Before I get in, I asked if he had a problem with me hiccuping and he said no so I entered. I knew he was curious to what just happened to us and I fill him in and he goes that’s weird because hiccuping is a sign of long life in my culture. I go WTF then, he was just a hater and he goes eh maybe he just didn’t like you. So we talk some more and I found out he lives down the street from my parents and he was on his way home when he saw us and decided to pull over. Dude loved us and we exchanged a few stories. This dude was awesome and our fare only came out to like $5 and I gave him a $20 and said hey that’s what happens when you’re not a fucking asshole.

Moral of the story, don’t argue with me whether I’m drunk or not ‘cos I’ll still make you feel stupid and ruin your night or maybe your life, depending on the situation.

Act your age, not your shoe size.
ya dumb fuck.

1. Phone pranks.

Last month, I started getting a lot of weirdo texts/calls. I was really confused and thought someone was fucking with me at first. The purple boxes are the kids who thought I texted them a picture of geese and the pink boxes are me. Then he texts me this: I sat there even more confused then someone else started texting me:

And a picture of my iPhone background because I learned how to do screencaps on it haha.

2. Social networking sites.
MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr… I seriously don’t get the hype. I like hanging out and interacting with all of my friends IRL and I kind of hate the internet. I pretty much stopped using all social networking sites, aim and I’m not really a phone person either. I don’t understand how people spend hours of their life on those things. However I am kinda addicted to Gmail & Googletalk, it helps pass the time at work when I’m bored.

3. People who complain about being treated like shit.
I’m sick of people (mainly dumb girls) bitching about this because most of the time it’s their own fault. Everyone always wants to be the victim but the reason people treat you like shit is because you accept it. People walk all over you and do whatever they want to you because you have no respect for yourself or any integrity. You allow them to treat you however they want and other people see that and think it’s okay to treat you that way too. So the next time someone fucks you over, stand up for yourself instead of bitching on your blog about how much they suck and complaining to everyone to get pity. No one feels bad for the things you do to yourself.

4. People who say, “I don’t want drama.”
98% of the people who claim they don’t want drama are the ones that cause all of it. I don’t even understand why anyone would say that, who the fuck wants drama other than retards who like to stir shit up for no reason because they’re bored with their own lives? Any time I hear anyone say this, I automatically think they’re hypocrites.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHA FANTASTIC, this made my day.

So I was checking McJawn’s stats and saw that we got a hit from: http://www.blogher.com/no-cush-bush. Curious to see what that was about, I clicked on the link.

The anonymous blogger at McJawn is my unevolved hero for this commentary:

“HAHAHHAHAHA here you go girls, the product of your dreams… You know what else works? WEARING UNDERWEAR/PANTS THAT FIT. Ugh, I wonder how many women actually bought this, shit like this blows my mind. Check out their website: https://www.cuchini.com/. It has the worst graphics and color scheme and their main font is Comic Sans, very professional. The last time I saw someone use Comic Sans was sometime in the 90’s by a 12 year old.”

I actually like Comic Sans under the right circumstances, but that little dig made me laugh so hard that I nearly peed in my properly fitting, camel toe-less undies. Fortunately, I am not wearing a C-String, or that would have been really, really messy.

Comic Sans is the worst font I have ever come across. In middle school, girls would turn in their papers in pink or baby blue Comic Sans and get mad when the teacher refused to accept it. I was the only girl in my class that thought Comic Sans was dumb. WHAT THE FUCK? You’re turning in a paper, not making an AOL profile (which is the only acceptable place for Comic Sans to be used), dickhead. I was only 12 but even then I knew better. Yis said that’s because I was always meant to be a graphic designer… that or I appreciate typography and well made typefaces.

As a Sophomore graphic design major in college, I had to design my own hand drawn typeface. Creating your own typeface is hard, especially good ones. Do you know how hard it is to draw/design a serif typeface with a pencil, ink and a brush??

Comic Sans is a casual script typeface designed by Vincent Connare and released in 1994 by the Microsoft Corporation. It is classified as a casual, non-connecting script, and was designed to imitate comic book lettering, for use in informal documents. The typeface has been supplied with Microsoft Windows since the introduction of Windows 95, initially as a supplemental font in the Windows Plus Pack. Comic Sans is used in both print and webcomics as a substitute for hand-lettering, although many comic artists prefer to use custom-designed computer fonts instead.

He also designed Trebuchet, which I also hate.

Microsoft designer Vincent Connare says that he began work on Comic Sans in October of 1994. Connare had already created a number of child-oriented fonts for various applications, so when he saw a beta version of Microsoft Bob that used Times New Roman in the word balloons of cartoon characters, he decided to create a new face based on the lettering style of comic books he had in his office, specifically The Dark Knight Returns (lettered by John Costanza) and Watchmen (lettered by Dave Gibbons).

I don’t care what anyone says, Comic Sans would look stupid as a comic font.

Look at this page Vincent Connare made to try and justify his dumb font:

Comic Sans was NOT designed as a typeface but as a solution to a problem with the often overlooked part of a computer program’s interface, the typeface used to communicate the message.

There was no intention to include the font in other applications other than those designed for children when I designed Comic Sans. The inspiration came at the shock of seeing Times New Roman used in an inappropriate way.

The designers and engineers at Microsoft spent lots of time drawing and coding the interface for MS Bob with comic characters but didn’t bother to use a cartoon or comic font. I thought that was wrong and started to look at two comic books I happened to have in my office. I had been working with the Creative Writer team in the Consumer division at the same time supplying them with fonts for Kids software, things like fonts looking like Pizza, monsters and ones with snow. There was a need for these fun fonts at Microsoft at the time.

I started with the font drawing software Macromedia Fontographer, trying to make the capitals in a similar form as the lettering used in DC, Marvel and all other company’s comic books. The Dark Knight Returns a Batman book was one of the books I referenced often. I took care not to copy the letters but looked at varying shapes in different styles. Also most samples only used capital letters so I had little reference for them. I printed it out so that the weight was about the weight of the Marvel and DC books. I looked at the varying letterforms that each book had since all the letters vary because they are manually written.

I used Fontographer’s drawing path tool and used rounded corners and drew the letters over and over again in the program until I got the shape I wanted.

I made a quick version for MS Bob and had to call the font Times New Roman for them to test the font. The problem was the software was finished and they had all the dialog boxes and balloons space out for the metrics of Times New Roman. My font was larger than Times New Roman and it would have to match the metrics of the program for them to use it , so they couldn’t use the font at that time.

I finished the font by adding a lowercase and it was eventually picked up by another application, MS Movie Maker a similar application using cartoon characters. The original working name was Comic Book but this was a silly name and it was later changed to Comic Sans since most of the letters were of the San serif style. Some of the simple forms such as the Capital I has serifs to distinguish it form the lowercase L.

Comic Sans was shown with other fonts to Program Managers at Microsoft and was then included in the Windows 95 Plus Pack that was a supplemental product to Windows 95. Later a Project Manager decided to include Comic Sans into the list of system fonts for the OEM versions of Windows 95. This was after I included basic support for Greek and Cyrillic. Finally it was added with Trebuchet, Webdings and Verdana as additional fonts to the Windows System fonts for the original Internet Explorer.

Now it is part of the Microsoft Windows system fonts.

Why?

Because it’s sometimes better than Times New Roman, that’s why.

Or at least Apple thinks so. Comic Sans is the default font in Apple’s iCards on the web when it was first released.

Chalk or Cheese?

Obviously, someone was salty about: Ban Comic Sans. I didn’t have anything against this dude till I read that. ARE YOU SERIOUS?

Comic Sans from Sam and Anita on Vimeo.

This is Ban Comic Sans’ manifesto:

There are bad types and good types, and the whole science and art of typography begins after the first category has been set aside. - Beatrice Warde
We believe in the sanctity of typography and that the traditions and established standards of this craft should be upheld throughout all time. From Gutenberg’s letterpress to the digital age, type in all forms is sacred and indispensable. Type is a voice; its very qualities and characteristics communicate to readers a meaning beyond mere syntax. Early type designing and setting was so laborious that it is a blasphemy to the history of the craft that any fool can sit down at their personal computer and design their own typeface. Technological advances have transformed typography into a tawdry triviality. The patriarchs of this profession were highly educated men. However, today the widespread heretical uses of this medium prove that even the uneducated have opportunities to desecrate this art form; therefore, destroying the historical integrity of typography.
Like the tone of a spoken voice, the characteristics of a typeface convey meaning. The design of the typeface is, in itself, its voice. Often this voice speaks louder than the text itself. Thus when designing a “Do Not Enter” sign the use of a heavy-stroked, attention-commanding font such as Impact or Arial Black is appropriate. Typesetting such a message in Comic Sans would be ludicrous. Though this is sort of misuse is frequent, it is unjustified. Clearly, Comic Sans as a voice conveys silliness, childish naivete, irreverence, and is far too casual for such a purpose. It is analogous to showing up for a black tie event in a clown costume. We are summoning forth the proletariat around the globe to aid us in this revolution. We call on the common man to rise up in revolt against this evil of typographical ignorance. We believe in the gospel message “ban comic sans.” It shall be salvation to all who are literate. By banding together to eradicate this font from the face of the earth we strive to ensure that future generations will be liberated from this epidemic and never suffer this scourge that is the plague of our time.

People who do stupid things really irritate me. For example, throwing things at people in the backyard from the roofdeck, spitting beer/continually pouring beer and throwing cans of open beer off the roof=angry beer soaked Sally. Don’t fucking throw beer on me and my friends when we didn’t do shit to you. I threw my shit inside, ran up to the roofdeck and got in this kid’s face and told him off. The kid apologized and everything was fine until this dumb cunt who was rolling her eyes at me opened her mouth and said, “Who cares? It’ll wash off.” I turned around and yelled, “FUCK YOU. NO ONE WAS FUCKING TALKING TO YOU SO SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCH. WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?” She was like who the fuck are you? I live here! HAHAHAHA I was about to get in birthday girl’s face when Kevin pulled me to the side and goes, “Eh… that’s my roommate, it’s her birthday and this is her party, just leave it alone.” I let it go out of respect.

What’s the golden rule again? Treat others how you want to be treated? or something along those lines… I’m sure if complete strangers were throwing shit and pouring beer all over her and her friends unprovoked, she would’ve been like oh it’s okay, nbd, beer washes out! If I acted like that, I’d expect to get a beer dumped on my head and get kicked in the face.

As I finish yelling at her, their angry neighbor pops her head out of her window and tells everyone to shut up because her daughter was trying to sleep. Kevin and I apologized and tried to get everyone off the roofdeck and this fucking asshole yells, “Why don’t you shut the fuck up? You say we’re being loud but you’re the loudest one here,” to the neighbor. At that point I couldn’t handle being surrounded by so many douchebags at once and went inside because the urge to punch everyone in the face was becoming too much.

When I went downstairs, I was telling everyone how much of a cunt the girl that lived there was and no one seemed to even like her and her one friend apologized for her. Everyone left and came over to our place. That girl ended up coming over and Grace was trying to be nice to her and she was still being a bitch and immediately left when she realized no one liked her. And that kid kept apologizing to me, which I found pretty hilarious.

Yis and I were talking about my anger management issues and I explained that while lately I am easily angered, when I do go at someone or yell at them, it’s warranted. I’m not just picking fights with people, it’s usually because people do dumb shit to set me off. Had those dumbasses not thrown shit off the roof, I wouldn’t have been angry at all. Then I explained how some people just need to get their ass beat to realize they did something wrong and he agreed but said that it doesn’t have to be me who beats them up and that I’m too vengeful. HAHA that’s probably true, I should invest in a punching bag… but I don’t think that would really make me any less vindictive.

Got Camel Toe?

Hey Girls. Camel Toe might be hot… if you are a Guy!! But who wants to be the one sporting it? Some secrets are meant to be kept.

As we have evolved, hair down there is a thing of the past.  As the landing strip and Brazilian wax have become prominent in today’s world, there is no bush for the cush. And though Camel Toe may be a  hot topic… it’s not to the gal sporting it!

The Cuchini

HAHAHHAHAHA here you go girls, the product of your dreams… the CUCHINI.You know what else works? WEARING UNDERWEAR/PANTS THAT FIT. Ugh, I wonder how many women actually bought this, shit like this blows my mind. Check out their website: https://www.cuchini.com/. It has the worst graphics and color scheme and their main font is Comic Sans, very professional. The last time I saw someone use Comic Sans was sometime in the 90’s by a 12 year old.

My 17 year old son has been very secretive with me lately, recently he has started to refuse to go to church with the family and tonight when I was going through his room I found a magazine with naked men in it. He obviously has a girlfriend that he is hiding from me that brought that magazine into my home and I am afraid they are having intercourse and I am greatly concerned that he is going to get her pregnant. What should I do about this?

Additional Details:
He is not a homosexual, we have taught him from the bible and he has learned though our church that this is not in God’s plan. I will not teach him about condoms, that is unacceptable, we have always taught him about abstinence and that is what God and his future wife expects from him. I want to speak to our pastor about this but I am very afraid of what he would think we are teaching our son if he things we are allowing him to sneak a girl into his bedroom. That is clearly inappropriate and we are good parents, I am very afraid what he will think of us.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20081226174833AA5LmiA

um… WHAT?

PS. NEW FAVORITE WEBSITE!