for jdawg ‘cos I know how much you love macro mondays <3

WHAT?

…who is now a “phone sex actress”???

I came home from work today and Grace said she had to show me something really funny. She showed me this video:

She said she recognized her and realized we went to college with her. She had worked with her and said she couldn’t stand this girl. After watching the video, I still couldn’t figure out who she was so Grace took me to her facebook and I recognized her right away. Not only did I go to college with her, I went to the same high school as her too.

This bitch was the type of girl who didn’t have many friends in high school, the emoish-goth, slit your wrist the wrong way, loner type. I barely knew she existed till senior year when I had a class with her. She was all mallgoth and super unattractive, to put it nicely. This chick rocked a long purple velvet skirt and lacy shirts almost everyday.

One day I walked past her computer and she was animating fairies, NO JOKE! I noticed she had a Spirited Away dvd next to her so I decided to be nice and talk to her for the first time ever. I pointed to the dvd and said I really liked the movie. Her and her friend just stared at me like I was fucking retarded. I was offended. REALLY? Who the fuck are you to snub anyone? You look like your dressed yourself in the dark and everyone treats you like the fat smelly kid in elementary school who has food stains on their shirt. I thought no one liked them ‘cos they were mad nerdy and weird. NO, it’s ‘cos they’re dumb TWATS. The type of thundercunt who thinks they’re better than everyone else and is ~unique and original~ when in reality they look & act like every other loser hanging out at Hot Topic. IE: think “goths” from south park, soooooooo non-conformist!

Thanks to the internet and facebook, I have some visuals to share with you:

“miss deepthroat”

her dumb friend.

high school.

college.

post college. I didn’t know people threw/went to toga parties in 2010.

Dear art school kids, don’t feel bad about working as a waitress/waiter or whatever odd job you currently have that has nothing to do with your degree, at least you’re not a phone sex actress. At least you have some dignity, right? I would much rather wait tables to upper middle class yuppies over talking dirty/having phone sex with creepy old dudes any day. I would put her job right under stripping in my degrading jobs list. Your mom must be so proud of you C BFA in animation and you work as a phone sex actress under the name, “MISS DEEPTHROAT”? COM’ON SON!

PS. karma really is a bitch, isn’t it girls? ACT LIKE YOU’RE NOT EMBARRASSED!

I was looking at party pictures and I came across this picture from the night I met my semi stalkerish creeper. If you see that loser creeping around PYT, avoid him at all costs and do not give him your number. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, read up on it here, here & here.

I haven’t updated any of the blogs I write on in a minute and since it’s 2010 and I got a brand new laptop, I decided to update more often.

A lot of dumb shit happens to me daily so I decided to start sharing some of those stories on my blog. This is my favorite one from last year.

Last month my roommate, best friend and I decided to go to Tiger Beats at the Barbary after being snowed in all weekend. My roommate and I got pretty wasted… and this was on a Monday night. Some douche was crowd surfing and knocking people over left and right.

Apparently, I get ignorant after having too much to drink. At one point I pointed at a midget standing maybe a foot away from me and yelled, “LOOK it’s a midget!” to my best friend standing right next to me. Yeah, it was that kind of night.

By the end of the night, I was throwing snowballs at people and had a mini snowball fight outside. I was having a good time besides the crowd surfing douche kept pushing me into the snow but I got him back and everything was fine. Finally, it was time to get a cab home.

A cab pulled up right in front so we got in and were on our way back to South Philly. I started hiccuping shortly after entering the cab. Grace was drunk and recapping her night to me and Geo. We stopped at a red light and the cabbie turns around and tells me that he has a problem with me hiccuping right now. I was slightly annoyed, thought maybe he was kidding so I asked him if he was serious, he said yes.

Now if you know me, you know I’m an angry person in general and when I get mad, I get crazy eyes. This is a look that takes over my face before I start yelling at or punch someone. And you definitely know not to fuck with me after 5 jack and cokes.

Back to the cabbie. His answer immediately pisses me the fuck off so I asked him what his job was. Before he answered, I said, “Do you work in the service industry? If I’m not mistaken, your job is to provide me with a service, right? I don’t recall anyone asking your fucking opinion about me hiccuping or anything else so do your fucking job and drive us the fuck home.”

He had nothing to say except that this was how he honestly felt and that my hiccuping annoyed him. He obviously should have just kept his mouth shut but since he didn’t, I decided he was asking for it and I started attacking him.

Again I tell him that no one gave a shit about what he thought and told him to shut the fuck up. I explained to him like I would to a retard that hiccuping is natural, I’m obviously not doing it on purpose to annoy him. Then I asked if he had a problem with people drinking because I simply cannot believe someone really has a problem with people who hiccup. He said no so then I asked what his fucking problem was and that if he did have a problem with drunk people, he shouldn’t be driving cabs.

I told him to pull over, I didn’t want to ride his cab anymore and that I wasn’t going to pay him. He gets very offended now and threatens to take us to the police. I find this hilarious so I tell him go ahead, fucking drive us to the cops. As I’m calling him an asshole, douchebag and almost every insult in the book, drunk Grace became the peace maker and was like no, there’s no reason to do that just pull over and we’ll pay you. I begrudgingly handed him the money and demanded exact change.

Before exiting the cab Grace was still trying to smooth things over because she had to pee and wanted to get home as soon as possible. He said something that offended her and they start yelling at each other. I get back in and start insulting him some more. I heard her telling him to shut the fuck up and he goes no you shut the fuck up and they’re now just exchanging fuck yous. I had enough and the last thing I said to this guy was, “I hope you kill yourself or die in a fucking fire.” Yeah, I was obviously obliterated at this point because I thought this was a great insult at the time. I threw a few snowballs at his cab and Grace didn’t shut his door. He’s yelling at us to shut the door so I threw a snowball inside and kicked the door shut and threw more snowballs and kicked his cab some more as he drove off.

Another cab driving the opposite direction picks us up. Before I get in, I asked if he had a problem with me hiccuping and he said no so I entered. I knew he was curious to what just happened to us and I fill him in and he goes that’s weird because hiccuping is a sign of long life in my culture. I go WTF then, he was just a hater and he goes eh maybe he just didn’t like you. So we talk some more and I found out he lives down the street from my parents and he was on his way home when he saw us and decided to pull over. Dude loved us and we exchanged a few stories. This dude was awesome and our fare only came out to like $5 and I gave him a $20 and said hey that’s what happens when you’re not a fucking asshole.

Moral of the story, don’t argue with me whether I’m drunk or not ‘cos I’ll still make you feel stupid and ruin your night or maybe your life, depending on the situation.

This is my new favorite picture.
Just noticed she’s prob giving head which made me love it even more.